What was Our Great Leader doing with acupressure roller in his hand?

I have seldom woken up to a more inspiring day. This morning as soon as I watched Our Great Leader walk out to the private beach of Taj Fisherman’s Cove Resort and Spa in Chennai, I knew I had to follow suit.

So, like Our Great Leader, I picked up a bunch of single use plastic jholas, okay they were bin bags, put it in my backpack and strode out of my home. The war on garbage was on.

As I went striding down the road, meticulously picking every piece of trash and putting it into the bin bags, I met old Dr Sarpuriya who runs his clinic at the crossroads. By that time, I was already hauling three big bags full of trash. I had just dumped them in the huge garbage vat next to his clinic and turned around when he came up to me.

“Do you know how unclean the private beach at the Chennai resort usually is, which Our Great Leader is cleaning this morning,” he asked. I had no clue but I knew he was up to no good. Then, he showed me this picture on his smartphone.

Of course, I knew it was fake. Five-star resorts deliberately keep their private beaches unclean to attract foreign tourists who are sick and tired of their clean, sanitised surroundings. They love sunbathing in the middle of cracked plastic bottles and dog poop.

Anyhow, this Dr Sarpuriya does not belong to our New India. He keeps a framed picture of Gandhi in his clinic. On his shelves are books by Nehru, Mao Ze Dong and that satanic character called Karl Marx. He calls himself a Gandhian. What a joke!

I was back into the battle in no time before my phone rang. Just as I was about to pick the call, it got disconnected. I checked the ‘missed call’ and it was from my wife. Why was she giving me missed calls? I wondered. But then, I called her back. She said there were some daily rations she needed and if I could pick them up on my way back.

I asked her why she gave me a missed call and she screamed, “You are so busy in following Our Great Leader that you are not aware of what’s going on. Jio is no longer free, dude!”

I kept the phone down as very few of us can antagonise our respective home ministers. Anyway, when I reached the main market, I offloaded another three bags filled with trash at the vat there, before stepping inside the bank.

I pleaded the manager to make an exception for me as I had to buy rations and pay my child’s school fees. The manager also runs the local shakha which I regularly attend for more than six years now. I thought that would make things easy.

The conversation went somewhat like this:

“Sir, how do you expect a family to survive on Rs 25,000 for six months?”

“It’s not just you. Every depositor is facing these issues.”

“Sir, I have been a tax-payer. This is my hard-earned money. I have never faced such a situation before. Okay, once may be, when Rs 500 and Rs 1000 notes were withdrawn by Our Great Leader. My parents had never faced it even during the reign of the evil opposition party.”

“You have to be patient, man. We have to endure this much hardship to make our country and our future stronger. What is your hardship as compared to that of our jawans who are standing in Siachen?

“Can’t you see, the earlier governments had left the country in such a condition that even Our Great Leader has to go and collect garbage? Look at the bright side. Since you have stopped using your two-wheeler, you have lost quite a bit of weight.”

I reluctantly walked out. I looked at the provisions store, remembered the stuff my wife had asked me to buy. But with no money in my wallet, I walked back. And trust me, since I have been back home, she has been at my throat like a rabid dog.

There, she is screaming again: “Your Great Leader has ruined us. We were much better off before 2014.”

Can you imagine that? Do you understand what I have to put up with day in and day out? No sense of sacrifice. How did I end up with an anti-national?

Anyway, I have had my dinner of sukhi roti, green chillies and salt and am going to sleep. But there is one thing that has been doing rounds inside my head. You can call it a puzzle and I can’t solve it. See, if you can.

When Our Great Leader was on his mission, what was he doing with this acupressure roller in his left hand?