Reality Bites: What sent King Leer’s Piggy-wiggies into a frenzy? The truth

The courtiers are in a tizzy because King Leer has been exposed as a shabby knave. They are hurling venomous tweets at Congress leader Rahul Gandhi for having the temerity to talk about the king’s failures in Parliament. Primarily, King Leer’s brutal attacks on India’s institutions and federalism to ensure that he stays king forever, the way he has pushed China and Pakistan closer together, his disregard for MSMEs that actually create jobs, and his devotion to crony capitalists who mainly create money for themselves and for him via electoral bonds.

It is no secret that Adani and Ambani (and a few more) are King Leer’s piggy banks, and he loves them as much as PG Wodehouse’s Lord Emsworth loved his obese piggy-wiggy the Empress of Blandings. There’s nothing King Leer enjoys more than draping himself like a wet sock over the barriers of their fancy pig-sties, watching them grunt and burp as they feed on India’s assets and become fatter and fatter.

Rahul Gandhi mentioned Pegasus too—military-grade spyware that King Leer bought from former Israeli PM Netanyahu with our money to spy on us! Visions of King Leer and his henchman eating popcorn while watching citizens in the most private of places like bathrooms and bedrooms keep popping into my head and make me feel sick.

Then there’s that vicious blackmail angle too—a talent King Leer and his henchman were apparently born with. I cannot tell you more because this is the stuff one hears in hushed whispers, and I can’t find a ‘hushed whisper’ font!

External Affairs Minister Jaishankar was one of the loyal courtiers who sprang to King Leer’s defence with his standard half-truths. He said that the leaders of Central Asia who were invited as guests for Republic Day did not turn up because of Covid.

Oddly enough, he didn’t mention that these very same leaders are going to the Winter Olympics in China despite Covid. Does Jaishankar seriously think we do not read real news on non-Godi/Modi media sites?

Then he said that Pakistan and China were always close, ignoring how Amit Shah’s speech in Parliament after the abrogation of Article 370 in J&K made them fall into each others’ arms like hormonally-charged Romeos and Juliets. Shah ‘Aksai Chinned’ himself rather badly and has put India in grave danger of a joint attack, but Jaishankar doesn’t give a damn.

When King Leer brandished his stick threateningly, Jaishankar went further and prompted/begged someone in the US State Department to say that the US does not endorse Gandhi’s remark about King Leer’s foolish policies bringing China and Pakistan closer.

This led to blazing headlines in Godi/Modi media—the usual rubbish like ‘US slams RG’, etc. Often, I wonder what Jaishankar’s counterparts in the US privately think of his tantrums, and his pathetic, wheedling requests. I’m waiting for one of his real friends to tell him that there’s more to life than biscuits from King Leer—self-respect, for starters.

Biscuits remind me of Hemanta Biswa Sarma, the bigoted chief minister of Assam. He attacked Gandhi after his speech by whining that it was “indecent” that he was served the same biscuits as the dog when he visited him. It really is a shame that he hasn’t realised yet that Gandhi’s dog is far more likeable than him.

Of course, the BJP IT Cell was in full form. It had to tear itself away from its favourite job (attacking India’s Muslims and Christians) to focus on Gandhi. It went all out with the Pappu jibe even though any life form with a brain is aware that King Leer is India’s real Pappu.

The next rung of hecklers was made up of journalists and influencers who are as indebted to crony capitalists as they are to King Leer. We got a 50-word tirade from Misprint’s Sicker Kofta, gibberish from Savleen Thing (who has to be physically held back from bombing people who don’t invite her to parties), and wheeler-dealer SuHeil types. The Constitution of India appears to bore them.

More power to Gandhi and other Opposition politicians who speak for us. It’s a pity that when they fight for the Constitution and our rights, they are not just fighting the RSS-BJP—they’re fighting King Leer’s shameless sycophants too.

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)