Reality Bites: Nehru, Nehru croaked the Supreme Bore; Smitten Paycash chirped 'Encore'!

My mother would absolutely refuse to suffer bores. Whenever they popped into our home uninvited, she would order us to inform them that she’s out, and rush to the bathroom with a good book and a comfy pillow for the bath tub till the “all clear” was sounded.

I appear to have taken after her, which is why whenever the Supreme Bore (formerly known as the Dear Leader) comes on TV, I switch to another channel. Since he’s on TV for about 23 hours a day, I rarely watch Indian news channels and my skin glows.

I’m pleasantly surprised that a growing number of Indians are now beginning to agree with me. The Supreme Bore, for most of us, is just a bottle of Fanta without the fizz. Yep, the sickly orange stuff you pour down potties and flush.

After two days of railing against the Congress (yawn), Nehru (yawn), how Opposition parties tried to help distressed migrants get transport home during the lockdown (so wicked, no?), and other rubbish (mainly outrageous lies, yawn) in the Lok Sabha and the Rajya Sabha, we’ve had quite enough. It’s not surprising that he had to cancel several of his election rallies because crowds did not show up.

So, when the Supreme Bore broke the Election Commission’s code of conduct rules and went on national TV the night before the elections for an “interview” by one of his biggest fans, Smitten Pliable Paycash, most people watched Netflix or played Wordle instead.

I was astonished to note that my Twitter timeline barely had a tweet or two about this staged interview. The least he could have done to grab eyeballs was to cross-dress once again in a saree and heavy make-up (like he did when he inaugurated a statue in Telangana)—that may have provoked giggles, memes, etc, and we could have compared his saree with the loud raspberry one Smitten wore, but nope, he’s lost it.

From the few reports I’ve read, he did a repeat of his loser performances in Parliament. He also channelled his inner evil, regressive Hindi soap mother-in-law, and complained that Congress MP Rahul Gandhi doesn’t listen to him when he asks him to massage his legs/wash the dishes/make besan ka laddoo/whatever. He really should have worn a saree and layers of make-up for that interview!

When questioned about the Supreme Bore’s pathetic attacks, Rahul Gandhi said he laughs them off. Sensible chap.

This, however, doesn’t take away from the fact that the Supreme Bore will probably win the elections in UP. His party gets the lion’s share of electoral bonds from avaricious cronies, the new election commissioners are like his previous ones—they exist only to serve him, and are just as blind, deaf, and dumb to the BJP’s many transgressions.

Even worse, they are incompetent, either by accident or design. In the first phase of elections in UP, a 71-year-old woman in Ghaziabad arrived at a polling booth to vote but was informed by polling officers that her vote had already been cast through postal ballot! She insisted that she had not voted via postal ballot but was pushed out.

Many families complained that they had voted for decades, but their names had suddenly been struck off the voter list. We saw a video clip of a man crying outside a polling booth, saying that he wasn’t allowed in! All of these were posted on social media by brave local journalists, by the way. Servile Godi/Modi mainstream media always covers up dirt on the Supreme Bore.

Add to this the fact that the Supreme Bore is chummy with leaders of authoritarian and/or apartheid regimes who happily sell him military grade weapons to spy on us, plant incriminating evidence on our laptops and smartphones (allegedly), etc—fiddling with EVMs should be a piece of cake, right?

The point I’m making is, the Supreme Court really should listen to all those petitions on EVMs instead of giving the government the benefit of the doubt or ducking out.

Can you blame me for hoping that India’s judges will start drinking copious amounts of Waterbury’s compound to make themselves, democracy, and citizens stronger? Now, if they celebrate the spirit of the Constitution and ensure that our voices are heard, that will lift our boredom. For sure.

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)