Reality Bites: Mr Potato Head spotted inside the house of ‘Indian of the World’

I’m scratching my head and wondering why Amruta Fadnavis was given an ‘Indian of the World’ award by BJP-friendly NRIs in the UK. I have no idea what ‘Indian of the World’ even means—aren’t all Indians part of the world, or do those peculiar NRIs think the rest of us are from other planets in the solar system? If so, shouldn’t they also offer ‘Indian of Mercury/ Venus/ Mars/ Jupiter/ Saturn/ Uranus/ Neptune’ awards?

What troubles me equally is what exactly did Mrs Fadnavis do to merit that award? Being married to a mere deputy chief minister is small change. Surely, they can’t have given it to her for her singing? Come on, she sounds more like that lady from C Block who grabs the mike at housing society events and inspires other residents to complain to the cops (even if it’s well before 10 pm).

Mrs Fadnavis tweeted that she spoke on India-UK relations at that strange event, and that made the frown lines on my brow sink deeper. I cannot think of a single qualification she has to speak on this subject, considering that it looks like her husband doesn’t even talk to her about his day at work.

She now claims that she wasn’t aware of her husband’s secret plan to topple the MVA government in Maharashtra (only so the poor chap could become deputy chief minister at least)! She said he would sneak out every night “wearing a big jacket, big glasses and different clothes”, and it was impossible for her to recognise him herself.

I’m shocked that she didn’t call the cops and report a stranger dressed as Mr Potato Head lurking in her house. I certainly would have!

If I were a cynic, I would say that the deputy chief minister’s ambitious missus is trying to do what the Diyar Leader does—grab meaningless awards, gabble ceaselessly to the media, wear shiny clothes for photo ops, and use any pretext to draw attention to herself.

She hasn’t been the First Lady of Maharashtra for years now, but she’s trying to make herself look bigger than she is. If she doesn’t watch out, the Diyar Leader will gag her himself for her Lady Macbeth act—he detests competition. We’ve seen how he keeps all the pretty sarees for himself and gives boring ones to his mummy for “devoted son” photo ops.

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Meanwhile, the Ministry of External Affairs is doing what it does best—throwing hissy fits and shouting at Western nations for calling the Diyar Leader’s government out over several issues: trampling over human rights, religious freedom, and press freedom (among other things).

We’re so used to the US issuing feeble admonishments, but finally, after a long, long time, it’s Germany. The German embassy in India refuses to turn a blind eye to the Diyar Leader’s undemocratic behaviour, unlike the previous envoy who repeatedly said “All is well” and enjoyed junkets to Nagpur and Jammu-Kashmir.

In the case of the arrest of Alt News co-founder Mohammed Zubair, Germany has made it very clear that “Journalists should not be persecuted and imprisoned for what they say and write. We are indeed aware of this specific case and our embassy in New Delhi is monitoring it very closely. We are also in contact on this with our EU partners on the ground. The EU has a human rights dialogue with India and freedom of expression and the freedom of press are a focus of those discussions with India."

In short, Germany insists that the Diyar Leader must honour the agreements that he hypocritically signs abroad—he’s not invited because they need hugs for God’s sake! This is a welcome change, even though our MEA is swearing like a sailor and screaming “None of your business!” in its usual spoilt brat manner.

The poor dears think snarling like BJP spokies on news channels is a sign of strength, tut.

Finally, a few words on the UK’s former PM Boris Johnson who tried very hard to do a Trump and stay in power. Some say it’s because of all those scandals and lies, some say it’s because of those boa constrictor-like hugs from a certain person. In true democracies, even if leaders attempt to superglue themselves to the top chair, they fail.

Here’s hoping that India becomes a democracy again!

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)