Reality Bites: Forget Harvard, brace for Shri PN Oak WhatsApp Vishvavidyala

The Sangh Parivar has many heroes. Not the Superman or Batman sorts who attempt to right wrongs, but evil Cockroach-man types. The RSS-BJP’s admiration for Hitler is not a secret.

That is something they just cannot bury and hide because M.S. Golwalkar, former RSS chief, has sung his praises in several books like ‘Bunch of Thoughts’, and ‘We, or Our Nationhood Defined’. He applauded the way Hitler treated the Jews, and said that’s exactly how minorities in India should be treated. Ugh.

Of course, the RSS-BJP don’t talk about their love for the Nazis openly in the international arena, because the world may look askance and refuse to hug the Diyar Leader. Or rather, pretend to look askance because today’s world leaders are a bunch of hypocrites who will happily overlook genocide if your nation is important to their geopolitical strategy or marketing plans or whatever!

Do you really suppose Israel was blissfully unaware that, when our Diyar Leader was a mere chief minister of a state, social studies textbooks in Gujarat had glowing chapters on “Hitler, the Supremo” and “Internal Achievements of Nazism”?

This has been reported in India since 2004 but gosh, Israel’s know-it-all secret service is unaware of these sentiments? Yet, former Israeli PM Netanyahu clasped the Diyar Leader to his bosom, frolicked on a beach with him in 2017, and allegedly sold him the power to spy on all his dissenters and political rivals with Pegasus spyware.

Purushottam Nagesh Oak is another of the RSS-BJP’s heroes. He served in the propaganda section of Subhas Bose’s Indian National Army during World War II—and we know just how much propaganda turns the RSS-BJP on, don’t we?

I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if the WhatsApp university of Fake News they set up after they came to power in 2014 is called ‘Shree PN Oak WhatsApp Vishvavidyalay’.

Oak was never captured by the British, but I strongly suspect he suffered a massive head wound during the war because he spent the rest of his life rewriting history (another special RSS-BJP thing).

The Sangh Parivar purred like cats served rat chops as Oak expounded his crackpot theories in which clever Indians created everything in the world (he’s just like that annoying character in the British Asian sitcom ‘Goodness Gracious Me’).

Here are a few of his theories: Christianity and Islam are both derivatives of Hinduism. The Papacy was originally a Vedic Priesthood. The Vatican was really Vatika (hermitage), Christianity was originally called Krishna-niti (the way of Krishna), Abraham is an aberration of Brahma, etc. Yes yes, Jai Hindutva, and all that!

What must have warmed the cockles of the Sanghi hearts most is this, though: According to Oak, the Vatican City, Kaaba, Westminster Abbey, and the Taj Mahal were once Hindu temples dedicated to Shiva.

While I cannot see those cowards yowling about tearing down the Vatican, Westminster Abbey and Kaaba (well, not until their fantasies of Akhand Bharat have been realised at any rate, ha ha), they’re going full speed ahead with the insane theory on the Taj Mahal, or rather, Tejo Mahalaya as Oak calls it.

Just like the RSS-BJP likes to snoop in our refrigerators to see what we’re eating and whether they can lynch or arrest us for our meals, they want to peek into 22 rooms in the Taj Mahal (sealed since Shah Jahan’s time) to see if they contain statues of Shiva and other relics of Hinduism.

Hindutva petitioners keep going to court, the weary court keeps packing them off. So now a BJP MP, Diya Kumari, has chipped in. She said that the land on which the Taj Mahal was built originally belonged to Jaipur's ruler Jai Singh and it was acquired by Mughal emperor Shah Jahan.

And so? Does it mean that the house I built on land that I bought from someone still belongs to the original owner? Is everyone in the BJP childish and not quite there?

I say this with deep regret. For centuries the Taj Mahal has been celebrated as the Monument of Love, but in just less than eight years, the BJP is turning it into the Monument of Hate.

Enough of this nonsense. Besides, “Wah Tejo” doesn’t have quite the same ring as “Wah Taj!” Honestly, “Bah Tejo” is more like it.

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)