Reality Bites: A birthday present for the First Mummy

While we give our mummies boring things like idli-makers, sarees or perfumes on their birthdays, the Diyar Leader is getting a road in Gandhinagar named after his mummy.

Of course, like with the big fat cricket stadium that was named after him, the Diyar Leader pretends he has absolutely nothing to do with it, and does his coy “oh-my-God” beauty contest winner act, while his supporters squeal and dab their tears of joy with hankies.

We’re told Gandhinagar’s mayor came up with the birthday present idea for First Mummy of the Nation “to keep her name alive forever and for future generations to learn lessons of service”. I suspect that he was nudged into it. The Diyar Leader likes to have an aura around him, and some of it must rub off on mummy—but only a little or he will get jealous. We have seen how he shoves people out of the way when cameras are around.

The cult that the Diyar Leader and his supporters build around him is getting out of hand. Before we know it, his poor mummy (not her fault, she’s pushed into PR nonsense to bolster his image) will get deity status too, sort of like how Jesus’s mother Mary is worshipped by some sects of Christians.

If this is indeed the second coming, one only wishes that the Diyar Leader was as kind and compassionate as Jesus was the first time around—and more importantly, that he suffers for us instead of making us suffer.

Here’s an excerpt from a long list of the suffering inflicted on us:

The Diyar Leader’s house was not demolished after the 2002 Gujarat riots. However, our houses are bulldozed if we so much as protest, particularly if we have Muslim names.

In order to hide his past, the Diyar Leader recently got NCERT to drop the entire section on the Gujarat riots from Class 12 textbooks, including the bit where former PM Vajpayee chided him and urged him to follow “Raj Dharma”.

When his former mentor Advani threatened to come in the way of his prime ministerial ambitions, the Diyar Leader sent a bunch of goons to create a ruckus outside Advani’s house.

The UPA was in power then and no one was beaten by the police. However, when Congress party members held peaceful protests in Delhi while Rahul Gandhi was questioned by the ED, the Diyar Leader’s henchman got the Delhi police to rough them up. Several needed medical attention.

While his Demonetisation scheme led to the collapse of many small businesses, he had all the money in the country to win the UP elections. Oh, and his rich cronies didn’t suffer either, which is why they fulsomely praised this crackpot scheme.

When a majority of Indians lost their jobs during the Covid lockdown, he kicked off a project to build a new parliament complex apparently because of bad Vaastu (but we were given some guff). The Diyar Leader generously threw in a new house for himself and the Central Vista project will cost around Rs. 20,000 crore. Tut.

The ED has not harassed him even once despite terribly suspicious deals like Rafale and his insistence on giving a project to his one of his cronies in Sri Lanka. Like Mary’s little lamb, the ED merely follows his instructions and harasses Opposition leaders instead over paltry sums of money like three crores! Piggy bank change compared to the Diyar Leader’s extravagant deals.

Spying seems to be the Diyar Leader’s thing. Remember the young lady in Gujarat who was followed by cops for months? The entire nation knows that she ate ice cream regularly (among other things), but fortunately the Gujarat cops could not follow her to her bedroom!

Technology has made spying easier these days, and now the Diyar Leader’s spies can sneakily enter our devices and follow our movements anywhere 24x7. I will say no more as the Pegasus case is still being heard.

But hey, we also want to see what the Diyar Leader does all day! How many hours does he wear a crown and play grand Vishwaguru in front of the mirror, barking instructions to world leaders, humiliating the US President, etc?

If only the media and the judiciary would make the Diyar Leader suffer at least a little bit, but nope. So far, Mum’s the word.

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)