‘Drive’ is the worst Dharma Production ever

Drive drives you around the bend. It is an infuriatingly infantile boyz-and-gadgets fantasy played out at a shrieking pitch, with screeching tyres yelling retards and bubbling bimbos with actors who think posing in bracelets and six-packs is all that the audience craves to see.

Little do they know.

Sadly  Sushant Singh Rajput seems to have lowered his acting skills to match the brainless aspirations of his co-stars who think they are characters in  Fast & Furious. Dwayne Johnson has reason to feel insulted.  Jacqueline Fernandez races motorcycles. But only in the skimpiest of clothes. She also brakes for sundry item songs where her hips move faster than the cars she races.

No wonder Sushant who plays a mysterious macho character who may or may not be named the King(depending on the screenwriter’s mood) is saturated with kink. He keeps eyeing his leggy and pouty co-star as though she were a dish of cheesecake on a cheat-day during a no-carb diet regime.

Only God, director Mansukhani and producer Karan Johar(and I suspect even Johar is clueless as to why he got into this) know why Rajput smirks through the film. Maybe he ordered the Book Of Machismo online. They sent him the smirks instead.

As for the plot, they lost it. I made a  vain effort to retrieve at least the remnants of a massacred narrative from its graveyard. It was like looking for humility in a Salman Khan live concert. The film’s storyline is a complete mess. It must have made sense to somebody at some point in the film’s troubled genesis.

The end-product makes as much sense as dog poo in a luxury spa. Which is what this film is to Karan  Johar’s Dharma  Productions.

The film makes no sense. Its concept of machismo involves guys with loaded guns riding revved-up automobiles while the women cheer them on. Greed is good, says  Drive. Gekko just puked.

There is only one non-bimbo female character in the film. And she is corrupt politician played by Vibha Chibber (remember her strong presence in Chak De?) who has clever men like Boman Irani and Pankaj Tripathi working with her in a money-laundering scheme that involves a  lot of important men, and very little common sense or basic intelligence.

Even clever actors behave as though they have no idea what they are doing.

Ms Chibber eventually ends up locked away in a dark tunnel with anti-social types trying to scare her. This is exactly how I  felt sitting through this,  easily the worst film of 2019(so far) and even lower down the scale in the Dharma lineup than the ill-fated Unglee.

And  that’s saying a lot.