Whatever PM Modi said about Manmohan Singh, Hamid Ansari is ‘true’!

What Prime Minister Narendra Modi said about former Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh, former Vice-President Hamid Ansari and Mani Shankar Aiyar meeting senior Pakistani diplomats to fix the outcome of the Gujarat elections is absolutely true. They are as true as the tales of Bal Narendra.

Now you got to concede that very few adults can dive into a crocodile-infested lake to fetch a ball and carry a baby crocodile home, not losing the ball of course, only to put the reptile back in the water later. Move over Superman. Our Prime Minister did this as a child. On another occasion, he survived a big, deep gash in his leg inflicted by the lashing tail of an adult crocodile. How many of you have seen crocodiles other than in a zoo?

Not every man in the world has a 56-inch chest. Never mind Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career-best was 57 inch, that too expanded. But one should never have an iota of doubt about Modiji’s chest size. If not anything, he has sacrificed a lucrative career in professional body-building or WWE to serve the country. The nation needs to know that.

By the way, he wanted to put his strong body into the firing line by joining the Army but was stopped by his family members. The same family, however, could not stop him from disappearing from home to respond to a spiritual call at the age of 18 soon after his marriage, never to return to his wife. He had decided not to let anything as banal as kinship and blood ties derail his spiritual quest. Mere mortals and ‘presstitutes’ won’t be able to fathom the spiritual depth of Modiji. That’s why they failed to understand why the Prime Minister called manual scavenging a spiritual act while talking about the Valmiki people.

Then comes the story of his struggling student days when he would help his dad run the latter’s tea stall at Vadnagar Railway Station. Only eight trains would stop at the station in a day then. And he would run from his school to the tea stall eight times in a day. Actually you know what? He might have given Usain Bolt a jolt if he had continued his sprinting practice. Yes, the Railway Board has no record of him selling tea ever. Big deal!

Remember the Uttarakhand floods in 2013! Thousands stranded, so many perished. Now, tell me what the casualty numbers would have looked had the then Gujarat Chief Minister not rescued 15,000 pilgrims in just 80 Toyota Innovas in two days. I know many of you think this is mathematically impossible but let me ask you if you have degrees in ‘Entire Mathematics’ or ‘Entire Logistics Management in A Disaster Area’. And, I know you do not. The point is that you are all traitors and, if need be, will be deported to Pakistan.

Now, let me also warn you jholawala social science libtards that you know nothing about history or geography. If Modiji says Taxila is in Bihar and Alexander had an encounter with the Biharis, accept them and rewrite those history books while there is still time. As for former Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh, former Vice-President Hamid Ansari and Mani Shankar Aiyar, nothing less than treason and sedition will do.

You ‘rationalists’ and ‘pseudo-sickular’ people will never be able to comprehend the expansive philosophical premise that Modiji traverses. He straddles effortlessly between the world of truth, untruth and post-truth. Like Brahma, he creates a new world. And like Brahma, he has his devotees too. You better know them as ‘Bhakts’.

(This is a piece of satire.)