Reality Bites: Rahul Gandhi had warned of a tsunami but Modi Govt had then scoffed at him

As COVID-19 continues to spiral out of control in India, the very people who jeered at Rahul Gandhi’s warnings to the Supreme Leader in early March, are now having anxiety attacks. The Supreme Leader is not being blamed for ignoring the advice, naturally—hey, who blames God for anything?

https://twitter.com/GauravPandhi/status/1261163822804398080?s=20

Instead, their rage is directed at bureaucrats, a trend started in 2014 by public intellectuals, economists, and journalists who enjoy the patronage of the orange regime. There’s a tiny detail they conveniently forget: competent bureaucrats were driven out under their very noses, and replaced by little orange people with little minds from an organisation called Asinine.

A brief introduction to Asinine: it is a paramilitary organisation made up of stout patriarchs who have touching faith in cows and bariatric surgeries—they buy both in bulk. They are not very bright, and have understood only one thing about India: flared shorts are best for our climate.

Only for men, however: women who wear shorts or even modest culottes are trolled by the most progressive thinkers in Asinine —one (now a chief minister) even said that they may as well run around naked.

To date, Asinine members has not done a thing that has made me proud, because, unlike them, I’ve never been a fan of Nazis and the Holocaust. You’re aware that the Supreme Leader is himself a member of Asinine. As a child he allegedly served older members tea, and now he serves them anything they want. Which is perhaps why his response to COVID-19 has been ridiculous, to say the least.

Banging thaalis, lighting diyas, showering rose petals, a countrywide lockdown with just 4-hours’ notice, and wasting money on research to prove that Ganga Jal is a cure for COVID-19 is not going to cut it. Besides, he appears to be more interested in fighting the virus in other countries instead, going by his thoughtful little gifts of drugs, gloves, love, etc. to their leaders.

A masterstroke, I suppose, because he knows that tweets of world leaders thanking him will cheer us up immensely and make us completely forget that we may not live to see another day. I’m now beginning to suspect that his mysterious new fund was set up to help other countries fight COVID-19 too. Certainly not us, because so far, we haven’t seen a penny of it.

Jobless, penniless migrants who were locked up in cities against their will were made to pay through their noses for tickets back home. The Supreme Leader slept like a well-burped baby till Congress Party President Sonia Gandhi woke him up with her announcement that Congress state units across India would pay for the tickets.

That made him irritable and colicky, and his government was shamed into vaguely hinting that they may pay 85 per cent of the fares (we’re still waiting). Bihar CM Nitish Kumar thought this was a fun auction, and said he would pay migrants their fare and 500 bucks extra. Mrs Gandhi was attacked relentlessly, and of course the word Italy was thrown in as well: a self-goal, because it’s now evident that Mrs. Gandhi cares more about the plight of Indians than all those orange people who call themselves proud nationalists.

Soon after, the Karnataka CM inspired more cries of horror when he cracked the whip and refused to let migrants leave his state because he wanted them to work on construction sites. Disturbing slave scenes from Ben Hur popped into our heads. The Bihar CM stayed silent: he had obviously regretted his generous outburst and decided that he would be richer without his people back.

Fortunately, a day later, public outrage (or perhaps the Supreme Leader’s fear of an article or two on this shameful subject in international media) forced the K’taka CM to reverse his decision. Back to the rising numbers, though— they’re positively alarming. What’s worse is that the government is not testing enough and is getting its pets to spin it with articles and TV discussions on how the curve is flattening.

These orange people have given us lemons, and I don’t know how many of us will make it through. Take care of yourselves because they certainly won’t take care of me and you.