Rahul Gandhi must realise that Modi Hai Toh Mumkin Hai!

I solemnly resolve to pick a bone with the Nobel prize committee. They have steadfastly ignored Narendra Modi for the Nobel prize in Pseudoscience. It is seriously quite unamusing and outrageous! Really! The committee has had so long to consider instituting an award for Pseudoscience and so many brilliant formulae in this branch of study that it is an insult and a scandal that the Nobel Committee could not bring itself to consider even one of the outstanding pieces of interpretation and discoveries by our accomplished Prime Minister.

Is it because he is Indian, I wonder, and they are treating him on par with Mahatma Gandhi whose outstanding achievement in non-violent agitation was passed over for a Nobel only because he was a coloured man who had defeated the mighty British empire without firing a single shot from any gun and without spilling a drop of blood ? Perhaps the Committee remained unconvinced that theories of climate change and plastic surgery in ancient India were simply not worth considering because they were very uniquely Indian?

But I would like to point out to the Nobel Committee the brilliance of all those theories and their utility to the world that they have missed out. From Pseudoscience to Military science, our Prime Minister has ideas for everything. For the information of the Nobel Committee, it was Prime Minister Modi who pointed out that planes flying above or below a cloud cover could evade enemy radar. Imagine how much time US Navy Seals would have gained if only they knew the theory while staking out Osama bin Laden in hiding.

For, after all, if India could do that so easily in Balakot under a heavy cloud cover and kill more than 300 Pakistanis whose bodies were so beautifully eviscerated and evaporated by our air force leaving no shred of evidence for the world to outrage over or Pakistan to have reasonable ground (apart from the single crow and ten trees that got caught by the hailstorm of machine gun fire, that is) to retaliate in kind.

Why did the US Navy bother to mask their aircraft under the cover of some very expensive radar to kill just one man and collect evidence of that killing?

It is also PM Modi, in case the Committee has not noticed, who suggested that the world need not be alarmed about climate change. The climate is not changing, you see. It is just that scientists and climate activists, all or most of them being old, feel the chill in their bones. All that the world needs to do is to breed more sheep to produce enough wool to wrap up the senior citizens of this world.

The Committee for reasons unknown does not seem to impressed by the knowledge that it is really quite simple to produce gas from gutters. An inverted steel vessel and a ragged pipe are enough to draw gas from gutters and light up an oven, our PM has demonstrated. So, why are so many companies wasting millions of dollars extracting gas from the high seas, bottling cylinders for use in kitchens or firing industrial production with high tech machinery?

Perhaps that is so because their countries do not have access to the kind of gutters that we have in India and I think our government must organize a tour for the Nobel Committee to visit the very Indian gutters. The trouble is that they cannot be Swachh if gas is to be produced.

I am not surprised that IIT students, considered among the best engineers across the world, failed to get the hang of this revolutionary idea. Because, after all, the IITs were set up by Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru and we all know how useless that Nehru proved for India - what with his scientific temper, dams, space stations and other huge engineering projects which he described as the temples of democracy when the only temple he should have been building was the Ram temple in Ayodhya.

I also have a bone to pick with Nehru's great-grandson, one Rahul Gandhi. What does he mean by challenging the PM’s brilliant three-in-one wind turbine-water-oxygen theory when even the phoren CEO of the Danish wind turbine company so flatteringly and seriously, without a modicum of sarcasm, told Mr Modi that his brilliant idea would keep the engineers of his company busy, attempting to wring water and oxygen from air.

What could Rahul Gandhi know of such theories after all, when he is merely a graduate in Development Economics from Cambridge University while Mr. Modi has a wholesome degree in Entire Political Science from a Gujarat university. The same University could have improvised a special course to extract gas from gutters and moisture from the winds?

And if Mr. Gandhi believes no one has the guts to tell Mr. Modi how wrong he is, haven't a whole lot of very erudite ministers in the government, among them Piyush Goyal who knows his Newton from his Einstein, and another who had come up with the idea pf ‘Papads’ to cure COVID, endorsed the theory as right and fantastic?

What does Rahul Gandhi ‘s opinion matter before that of millions of Indians who think that whatever Modi says is possible. Has Rahul Gandhi forgotten that’ Modi hai toh mumkin hai’? It is entirely possible to extract gas from gutters, to separate oxygen from air with a wind turbine, to kill corruption with demonetisation and Coronavirus with Gomutra (as well as with certain sister-in-law papads), to plant an elephant head in a human being even though the baby elephant’s neck circumference of two and a half metres might be far wider than an adult human neck and to send off photographs and other material through the Internet in 1985 even though the Internet made its appearance in India and much of the world only in the 1990s?

The Nobel prize committee needs to realise Modi hai toh mumkin hai, just about everything from replacing human noses with elephant snouts, to becoming twice born in this world with different dates on your election affidavits and faux degrees and even, of course, speaking 'tu-takar' in the English language to dear friend Barak Obama and bringing S.T.R.E.A.N.H of his visionary discoveries to the world.

Nobel Committee, please sit up and take note. We have a rare genius in our midst!

(The writer is a Mumbai based journalist and commentator. Views are personal)