Parrots and parakeets remind us of Murphy’s Law: if things can go wrong, they will

Looks like Murphy had enough of his law running only parts of our life. Why not just take on everything at one go? So, the US Presidential election goes berserk.

Will Donald Trump refuse to leave the White House even if he loses? Will there be increased violence, civil strife if that happens? Why have gun sales gone up suddenly even in a gun-obsessed society? As November 3 gets nearer, there’s confusion worst confounded.

How is it that Covid-19 has had such a huge resurgence in the western world, just when so many nations thought they were getting back on track?

What on earth is going on in France? Violence, anger, hatred, religion all in a toxic explosive mix. Plus of course the virus.

Is the world order collapsing or has it collapsed?

Okay, that’s the world. And then there’s us, here in India.

We’re in a super category all by ourselves.

The Prime Minister’s wandering around Gujarat opening zoos. Wearing a hat. Looking at parakeets which look balefully about them. It’s all one more public relations exercise, mid-Bihar polls, to supposedly play up Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel’s birth anniversary. Why Sardar Patel should be commemorated with a zoo, I don’t know any more than I know why Modi should wear a hat.

This is a fine example of Murphy laughing his hat off.

For instance: The Economy!

The evil International Monetary Fund said India’s economy will grow at -10.3 per cent. I’m not a mathematician nor an economist but even I know that a “minus growth” is a polite way of saying “Heeeeere’s Murpheeeeee”.

Anyway, everyone was patriotically angry with the IMF. Then the Union Finance Minister said more or less the same thing, “negative growth”, which is one of those fabulous phrases to make you feel like you ought to be in a hat talking to parakeets.

But what did the Parakeet Whisperer himself say? Aaah, that’s when Murphy produced his best version yet. Apparently, India may still be on track to become a $5 trillion economy in about four years from now. This is true. Anything can happen in four years. Like the effects of “negative growth” will be seen all over India, for instance.

India’s response to the pandemic has been to reduce testing. This keeps the numbers down. The less people you and I know who have been affected by the virus or died by the virus, the better India is dealing with the virus, apparently. Aligned with this is the decision not to pay doctors and health workers for months. This also helps the virus, which may well be a primary goal.

The good part about a Murphy-run world is that all you need are enough idiots to believe. If you think I’m lying, take a look at only three places in the world: the USA, the UK and India. Several parakeets have also confirmed this with me. I must clarify, not parakeets in a zoo because I do not visit them.

You want some real news? All this online schooling has been a disaster for rural schoolchildren and for underprivileged families. You would have realized that yourself expect you wanted to believe in “Digital India” and “everyone has a smart phone” and “I am proud to be followed by Modiji on Twitter”, right?

It’s the same country as 2014, people. And we’re doing worse than before. Parents scrambling to get the equipment, children struggling to understand. And let’s not forget the immense loss of livelihood for most of this year. Like the migrants, the tracking app pretending to be a health app and all other problems which the Modi Government has absolutely no data about.

At the same Sardar Patel event, Modi suddenly remembered the Pulwama attack of 2019. While the attack happened and Indians were killed, Modi was at Corbett National Park cavorting about with TV person Bear Grylls for the Discovery Channel. But still, why not use the deaths of Indians to win one election and bring it up before another election?

Murphy has had the last laugh on humanity and rewritten Abraham Lincoln as well.

Yes, you can fool all of the people all of the time. Don’t look at the rest of the world for help. Because if anything can go wrong…