Adults who were confident are becoming nervous wrecks: it’s tough to remain an optimist

Shreya Kapoor (name changed), cheerful and strong, returned to her office two months after the lockdown as a completely changed person. Employed in a senior position in a multinational company, she is no longer the confident person she was before the lockdown. A smart and chirpy 34-year old, she now breaks down and cries at the slightest trigger.

She is not alone. People across the world are experiencing anxiety attacks, panic and confusion. They are stressed and unsure of the future. Cases of depression have increased and even normal looking people, stoical and uncomplaining, trust me, are not immune. Indeed, most people remain oblivious that they are under stress, that they need medication or expert help. Being stressed is the “new normal”.

32-year-old Ashish (name changed), lives in the US and was planning to settle down this year. But his fiancee living in India now refuses to leave her parents alone in the wake of the pandemic. She is insisting that he should resign from his job and return to India. The two of them have had long and acrimonious arguments which have affected their work as well. His voice was hoarse and he admitted to have become an insomniac when he finally approached consultants for help.

A woman living in Mumbai, who had sent her son abroad for higher education last year, now worries whether to call him back. Reports of job losses, educational loans and uncertainty about the future are adding to feelings of hopelessness.

Relationships have also gone haywire. Ashima, a 25-year old, had got married to an NRI living in Australia last year. But cracks in the relationship have become visible. There are long periods of sullen silence from both sides. She feels frustrated, vulnerable, unwanted and unloved. Unwilling to trouble her parents back in India and worry them, she is unable to share what she is going through.

Rahul (31) was devastated by a 40 percent pay cut in his salary. He now feels threatened. His father is going to retire next year and his mother is severely diabetic with a heart condition for which she needs to go for regular monthly checkups. He was planning to get married this December to a girl from a family which is much better off than his. Her father was always suspicious about his motives and now with a salary cut, he is on the verge of a breakdown. Sleep has been eluding him, he confessed, and his appetite has gone down; he sweats profusely, has headaches and often finds it difficult to breathe. At such times he lies down or sits with his head bent, trying to recover, he said.

Added to all this is the constant fear – what if I happen to succumb to corona? Reports of suicide by celebrity actors like Sushant Singh Rajput or grim reports of young people succumbing to COVID-19 have added to the stress. An alarming survey maintains that as high as 61 percent people in India are suffering from mental health problems due to the pandemic. Not surprisingly, the future looks very bleak for 17-year old Priya who had a major fight with her boyfriend just before the lockdown over his alleged infidelity. During the lockdown they have resumed talking but the old warmth is no longer there. This is making her nervous and irritated. She yells at her mother and siblings and when somebody says something to her, she starts wailing that ‘no one cares for her’.

Depression is a mental condition where the individual is sad and lost in the past and finds it difficult to live in the present; whereas in anxiety signs of fear, apprehension, nervousness, are more prominent. Symptoms may include Guilt, insomnia, loss of appetite and decrease in self-confidence in people who suffer from depression. If not treated early, this sometimes leads to suicidal tendencies. Symptoms like fatigue, restlessness or not being able to sit in one place also indicate a state of tension.

Other physical manifestations may include muscle soreness, recurrent headaches, excessive sweating, upset stomach, rapid heartbeat and difficulty in breathing. Almost similar symptoms are also seen in anxiety.

Both anxiety and depression can be resolved by psychological therapy. Professional psychologists are trained to help the individual analyse his fears and mental concerns. In most cases, such counselling is enough while in some cases medicines are required to complement the therapeutic intervention.

Above all, talking to a friend or a close associate always helps. But sadly it is not always possible to find a person with whom we can share our innermost feelings without inhibitions. People feel reticent to talk about these issues. At such times, it’s beneficial to talk to a psychotherapist – with whom one can speak unreservedly because the therapist is not just a sympathetic stranger but the therapist is unlikely to judge, criticise or disapprove the innermost fears or betray secrets.

Spiritual psychotherapy, music therapy and positive thinking help in regaining the mental balance. Attraction for a person, books or an art form can also magically transform our thinking and develop our seventh sense – optimism.

(The author is Consultant Clinical Psychologist and Director - Optimus Center for Well being, Citizen Hospital and De-addiction Centre, Gurugram)