'You could have hoped for bail had you engineered riots, not released smoke!'

"A mistake happened on Wednesday. What message will it send across the world if some untoward incident happens here? That is why we are asking every visitor to show a valid entry pass and other credentials before they reach the Parliament entry gates," a Delhi Police personnel told PTI on Thursday, a day after two men jumped into the Lok Sabha from the visitors’ gallery, released a yellow-coloured gas from canisters, and shouted slogans against dictatorship.

Even as security was tightened and visitors, bureaucrats, drivers, journalists and others without valid passes were stopped outside the new parliament building — and the BJP’s IT cell got busy discovering the intruders’ links to leftists and the Opposition, a three-minute satire by Rajeev Dhyani in Hindi has taken social media by storm, and is going viral at the time of writing this.

For those who do not follow Hindi, here is a tentative translation:

Salaam walaikum, friends,

The news is that two young men intruded into Parliament and spread ‘yellow gas’ in the Lok Sabha. Today’s video is about these youngsters and addresses them. 

What a mistake you made, my youthful friends. Why did you have to do this in our Parliament? Didn’t you know that the Parliament is the masjid of democracy? Why mosque, you ask? Well, call it a temple, gurudwara or church of democracy. It is a holy place and you dared to desecrate its sanctity? How dared you?

Didn’t you know that the Lok Sabha has members like sister Pragya Singh Thakur, the brand ambassador of peace and amity? Were you not aware that honourable Brij Bhushan Sharan Singh, the brand ambassador of beti bachao-beti padhao is also a member?

Were you not aware of brother Ramesh BidhuriJi, the brand ambassador of parliamentary decorum and dignity? Above all, how could you forget the ‘saheb’ who epitomises high thinking and simple living — wears what he has and eats what is served — and is always truthful?

How dared you violate the dignity of such a Parliament? It is true that there are criminal cases against 40 per cent of them. It is also true that 25 per cent of them have serious criminal charges against them like murder, attempt to murder, rioting and violence against women — but it is still a sacred place. 

You violated its sanctity and must pay for it. You will be punished. You have insulted the country and brought a bad name to it, so you must pay for your sins.

You are guilty of committing so many mistakes. Why did you release smoke in the House? You could have spread hatred, communalism, disinformation, but smoke? What were you thinking? Smoke would douse the fire of visceral hatred? You could have at least spoken about the need for truth, tolerance, equality… but smoke? Really?

Whatever made you think of releasing yellow gas, huh? Why yellow? You could have thought of mixing red and turning it into orange. That would have mitigated your offence somewhat. But yellow? What were you smoking?

Had you completely taken leave of your senses? You talked about unemployment? You could have spoken about Article 370, CAA, the Hindu Rashtra… you would have been promptly released on bail. Garlands of flowers would have greeted you on your release and you would have been felicitated and probably earned a ticket to contest in the Lok Sabha election in 2024? You would then have won the election. You would never again have felt the need to jump into the house from the visitors’ gallery.

The gravest mistake you made was to speak of poverty, inequality and unemployment. Were you ignorant that our wealthiest MP is possibly worth around Rs 5,000 crore? Scores of them are worth Rs 1,000 crore and hundreds worth Rs 500 crore or a little less. And you decided to speak of poverty and unemployment? How could you?

You must have also been blind while shouting slogans of ‘tanashahi nahi chalegi’ (down with dictatorship). You could have at least noticed that there was neither 'Tana' nor 'Shahi' present in the house. Who were there to listen? After making so many mistakes, how do you expect to be released on bail? You could have been bailed out had you engineered riots, not smoke.

Now pay for your foolishness.