Reality Bites: Nehru’s Ghost continues to haunt the Supreme Bore!

India’s first prime minister, Jawaharlal Nehru, died in 1964. For decades after his death, we remembered him just a few times a year on special occasions like Independence Day, his birthday, etc. Till 2014, when the Supreme Bore became the Supreme Leader of India.

See, instead of allowing Nehru to rest in peace, the Supreme Bore goes on and on about him—all the foolish mistakes he makes are Nehru’s fault, according to him. So it’s not surprising that Nehru eventually heard his invocations and popped by to see what the fuss was all about.

Nehru’s ghost is a benign presence, sort of like Casper the friendly neighbourhood ghost. Every time the Supreme Bore blows his dog whistle, Nehru’s ghost reminds us of India’s hard-won independence, democracy, fundamental rights and the Constitution.

Freedom of faith, belief, and worship (as promised to each and every Indian citizen) has been relentlessly attacked. The latest is the recent hijab ban in Karnataka’s schools and colleges. The High Court is dealing with it while the Supreme Court is stubbornly blocking its ears, despite several pleas. But then, we always suspected that the mysterious death of Judge Loya would have awful repercussions.

Now, although the Supreme Bore rather fancies himself, he’s just a garden-variety representative of India’s fascist organisation, the RSS. In fact, he really does look quite a lot like a short, stout garden gnome, except when he wears a saree and railway-platform heels.

Thousands of cartoons and memes have been made about the Supreme Bore’s obsession with Nehru since 2014, and one of the most electrifying speeches I’ve heard during the ongoing state elections is by former prime minister Dr Manmohan Singh. He said, “On the one hand, people are facing problems of price rise and unemployment and on the other, the government, which has been in power for the last seven and a half years, rather than admitting their mistakes and making amends, is still blaming first Prime Minister Jawaharlal Nehru for being responsible for people’s problems.”

Singh’s speech must have made the Supreme Bore explode with rage, and when he’s angry, Indians are not safe. Fortunately for us, Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong’s speech in his very own parliament, distracted him. Mr Lee said, “The leaders who fought for and won Independence are often exceptional individuals of great courage, immense culture and outstanding ability. They came through the crucible of fire and emerged as leaders of men and nations. They are the David Ben-Gurions, the Jawaharlal Nehrus, and we have our own too.”

If this wasn’t devastating enough for the Supreme Bore, Lee went on to talk about how beautifully India’s parliament functioned in Nehru’s days, and the gradual decline: “While Nehru’s India has become one where, according to media reports, almost half the MPs in the Lok Sabha have criminal charges pending against them, including charges of rape and murder. Though it is also said that many of these allegations are politically motivated.”

I was standing on my chair and cheering at that! I wish Mr Lee had also mentioned alleged terrorists out on bail and in parliament (like the BJP’s Pragya Thakur of the Malegaon bomb blast case).

Mr Lee told the truth and the truth is what terrifies the Supreme Bore, so naturally, Singapore’s envoy to India was summoned for a dressing down by our Ministry of External Affairs (MEA).

This came on the heels of the MEA’s vicious attack on the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation (OIC) when it spoke out about the hijab ban. The hypocrites had the cheek to accuse the OIC of having a “communal mindset”. Thanks to S. Jaishankar, India doesn’t have diplomats anymore, we have spiteful Shakha bullies.

It’s about time the Supreme Bore realised that his Nehru obsession needs to end. Since he prefers mumbo-jumbo to science, he could get his favourite tantrics in, or even call that peculiar IIT-Kanpur professor who moonlights as an exorcist.

Me, I’m raising a toast to Nehru this weekend. Below is a recipe for Singapore Sling (in honour of Mr. Lee) if you’d like to join me: Pour 25ml dry gin, 25ml cherry brandy, 25ml Benedictine, a few drops of Angostura bitters, 50ml pineapple juice, 25ml lime juice in a glass. Top up with sparkling water and ice. Cheers!

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)