International Women’s Day is about challenging patriarchy

International Women's Day is here – and already, I have begun getting messages telling me how wonderful women are for uncomplainingly serving men in her life (changing her name, her home, leaving her family, cooking, cleaning, serving in-laws, bearing children who will bear the man's name). Like every year, it enrages me that so many people spend International Women's Day (which was started a century ago by women fighting for socialist and feminist liberation from patriarchy and capitalism) sending these inane messages to each other celebrating and glorifying patriarchal shackles. Saying women are 'great' for silently, uncomplainingly serving men, accepting patriarchal rules, and bearing the burdens of household labour is like praising Dalits for doing manual scavenging without complaint: it's a glorification of oppression, and it's a lie. If you want to send messages for International Women's Day, send messages of support to women challenging patriarchy. Send messages resolving to hold men accountable for sharing domestic work.

Resolve to stop treating women as born to serve men as 'mothers, sisters, daughters, daughters-in-law'. Send angry messages against Government advertisements saying let daughters be born because otherwise where will you get wives and daughters-in-law (Beti nahin bachaoge to bahu kahan se paoge?) because these ads suggest that women have a right to be born only to serve certain functions in the lives of men and patriarchal families (that expect a 'bahu' to bear heirs, cook, clean, etc). Declare that you will never again allow anyone in your family to restrict a woman's mobility and prevent her from coming and going where and when and with whom she pleases. Declare you will support women in choosing their partners in relationships and marriage. If you're a woman – pledge to yourself that you will never again silently allow another woman to be shamed as a 'woman of bad character' in your presence – that you will never allow patriarchy to divide women and into 'good' and 'bad' women – Sitas and Surpanakhas – to break our solidarity!

And please let us stop thinking that draconian laws providing 'death penalty' for some rapists (the few who are tried and convicted) will help women when the majority of women continue to be blamed for sexual harassment and rape, when our Courts declare that the law and Constitution can go to hell, but patriarchal privilege must be protected: so Hadiya's 'Yes' must be suppressed to uphold her father's No, while the survivor in the Farooqui case will be told, 'Sorry, we believe the accused pinned your hands down and forced sex on you even after you said No repeatedly - but the No was too 'feeble' for a man for whom you mixed a drink and shared a kiss several weeks ago. It's women's responsibility not only to say No but to make sure the man understands the No.' The 'Feeble No' judgement, along with the Supreme Court pronouncements weakening 498A, and a general outcry about 'misuse' of laws, is part of a massive institutional backlash. It seems that our lawmakers, our Courts, think women got away with too much after the 2012-2013 anti-rape protests, and need to be put in their place.

The most organised force in the backlash, of course, is the Sangh Parivar and its affiliates – which with the help of fascist-propaganda TV channels, is militating against women's autonomy by branding marriages of Muslim men with Hindu women as 'love jehad.' On the pretext of 'rescuing' women from 'love jehad', 'honour' crimes are getting political sanction, and women in such relationships, as well as their partners are being subjected to massive violence. Hats off to the Hadiyas and the Shalus who are resisting this immense pressure – but let's remember there are so many more who are beaten and drugged into breaking off their relationships with Muslim men, in special 'clinics' dedicated to brainwashing and coercing such women. The Cobrapost Operation Juliet sting proved this – but it has been greeted with silence by media and Courts alike.

But the Sangh gets the strength to do this from what's worst in our society. According to the latest National Family Health Survey round, only 41 per cent of Indian women age 15-49 are 'allowed' to go alone to the market, to the health centre, and outside the community. Another study, the India Human Development Survey (IHDS), found that even though women who are educated or employed are 'allowed' to go out alone, they still have to take permission from their husband or in-laws to do so! Another study, the Social Attitudes Research, India (SARI) survey, found that fifty per cent of adults in India disapprove of women working and a very high percentage (between 40% in Delhi to 60% in Rajasthan) oppose inter-caste marriage of non-Dalits with Dalits. Now, BJP leaders like Ram Madhav celebrate such attitudes as the 'genius of Inda' and brand those of us who are seeking to change these attitudes as 'alien' and 'westernised'. Will the secular, workers', peasants', Dalit movements all declare that they will defend women's unconditional freedom and autonomy – everywhere from families to factories and fields? I hope so. I know that today, 8 March 2018, sanitation workers of Bengaluru are observing IWD by pledging to defend women's freedom, reject shaming of women based on their clothes or character, and opposing communalism and caste discrimination with all their strength.

Women students, women activists, women who speak truth to the fascists are threatened with rape, gunned down as Gauri was. Last Women's Day, Gauri was with us – this year, we have lost her to fascist bullets. And still none of the fawning interviewers of the 'Godi media' asked the Prime Minister as to why he sent a congratulatory message to the Sanatan Sanstha in 2013 – the same Sanstha who the man arrested for Gauri's murder is linked to. They did not ask the PM either as to why he follows twitter handles that celebrated Gauri's murder and threaten women like us with the same.

But in these dark times, the ray of hope comes, as always, from fighting women, from shameless women, from women who decide to shed shame and embrace anger and collective solidarity and resistance. Young women of BHU, garment workers of Bengaluru, tea garden workers of Munnar, sanitation workers of Bengaluru, LGBTQI people who assert their identity and dignity with pride, young women and old women who assert the right to loiter, to love, to exchange 'kisses of love' at the RSS headquarters, to live life to the full, as well as fathers and brothers and mothers who enjoy and unconditionally support the freedom of women in their lives rather than seek to control and shame them – I love you all, and International Women's Day is a day to celebrate your defiant battles against patriarchy.