Reality Bites: 2021 promises to be a better year for the world but we seem stuck with a blind and deaf king  

There are encouraging signs that 2021 will be better than in 2020. The COVID-19 vaccine is ready to roll out across the world, masks may soon be off, and the worst-hit industry of them all, the lipstick industry, must be heaving a sigh of relief. Just as reassuring is the fact that from the 20th of January Donald Trump will be known as the former President of the USA. We may even get a spot of light entertainment if he has to be dragged kicking and screaming out of the White House.

India, however, continues to look bleak. Our Dear Leader is so busy trying to decide what he’s going to wear for his three daily costume changes, he has absolutely no time to decide which vaccine India will go with. Inaugurating everything from paan shops to temples comes first. His Man Friday has no time to save Indians from Covid-19 either. When he’s not eating with adivasis, Baul singers and with Dalits for sweet photo ops, he’s busy deciding which opposition members to buy, which state governments to topple, and which students, professors and activists to arrest.

Interestingly, the Dear Leader and Man Friday are unmasked nowadays, so we suspect that they got their vaccine shots on the sly, tut. Sort of like those entitled class monitors who are entrusted to share a bag of sweets with the entire classroom, but sneakily polish off the entire lot in the toilet, and then shrilly accuse fellow classmates of stealing the sweets.

Pity, because those two being injected with the vaccine in their flabby arms would actually have made great photo ops. We have seen world leaders like President-elect Biden take the vaccine shot on camera to reassure citizens that it is fine (PS: Biden’s arm muscles were toned). The global lipstick industry should grimly take note that they may not get business in India for a long, long while.

I’m trying very hard to think of positive things for India in 2021. Okay, here’s one: The only way we could be happy and inclusive again is if all secular opposition parties forget their differences and create a united force against the BJP, but that doesn’t seem likely. All they are interested in are petty political gains for themselves, not the plight of Indian citizens. But suppose, just suppose that they have a change of heart, here are two things we can look forward to:

1. While Bihar’s new dwarf Nitish Kumar won’t voluntarily part with the chief minister’s chair, surely his elected party members can part ways with him? If they are as secular as they purport to be, they can join the big secular alliance and still be in power. That’s one state less for the BJP to practice bigotry and violence in, cheers! Which reminds me, with prudish Nitish Kumar finally out of the way, bootleggers may well be out of business. So, cheers again.

2. If secular forces join hands, West Bengal will continue to have an inclusive government, Hindus and Muslims can safely fall in love, beef kathi rolls will still be a hot selling item in street stalls and clubs, and Bengalis will continue to murder Hindi in their charming manner. So what, if Didi promptly forgets that she owes her victory to other secular parties and starts throwing tantrums and heavy objects at them? At least the people will be happy! Also, I would dearly love to see that annoying, partisan West Bengal governor cry

Now, another reason for hope: Hurdles have come up at the Ram temple site in Ayodhya. Experts have discovered loose sand a few feet deep into the earth. Something tells me the gods are sending a message to the BJP, and it’s not a very polite one! It’s heartening that many Indians hope the delay in construction will last longer than their lives. Injustice is ugly to witness, after all.

Finally, a quick quiz for Mahabharata fans: we know there was a blind king, but was there a deaf king too-- someone who could hear the voices of his courtiers and corporate cash cows, but not the common man? If not, I’m going to write a contemporary version of the Mahabharata and get rich quick, so happy 2021 to me!

( Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)