#metoo: Will it help women overcome fear?

#Metoo is a very important campaign. Even if most women are lucky enough not to encounter physical violence, growing up a girl means growing up in fear. And that itself is a form of violence. Fear to walk in your city at night, fear to wait alone at a bus or metro station, fear to travel on her own, fear to take a taxi at night. That fear she inherits from her worried mother, the fear she passes on to her child and the fear that prevents her from living a free and wholesome life as her male counterpart might do. How would it be to live without that fear? I doubt if women can even imagine that.

The campaign which started after the alleged misdemenours of a Hollywood producer is a campaign to convey the magnitude of sexual violations that women have been and are going through.

The extent of the problem has alarmed many, if not most men, who engage on Twitter or Facebook. They have found that several women (and some men and those from the ‘queer’ or transgender community) that they know as close friends, colleagues, fellow professionals and relatives have gone public to acknowledge that they have been harassed or abused sexually at some time or the other.

Even if one discounts a small proportion of cases where acts by the alleged perpetrator were not physical or sexual nor physical but a figment of the alleged victim's imagination or downright false claims, the woman/girl keen to be part of something bigger and global than themselves, wishing to find many ‘Likes’ and ‘Comments’ on Facebook, a desire to be the centre of attention, albeit for wrong reasons, the extent of disclosures does represent an astounding phantom of fear that Indian women must necessarily cope with.

Consequences of Public Disclosure

The response to the #metoo campaign has been immediate, overwhelming and spontaneous; a kind of collective catharsis, which brings in its wake a burden off one’s chest. The sense of relief is immense and immediate. However, there are unwanted consequences related to disclosures of such intimate information that many victims may not have considered.

For many victims traumatic memories, that lay hidden and buried through various psychological and social processes, could now torment them daily through intrusive recollections of abuse such as nightmares, flashbacks and intense distress - the worse the abuse, the worse the symptoms. For those who are engaging in false allegations, there might be severe consequences for the alleged abuser, especially if this is in the realm of the workplace or educational institutions between teacher and student.

The Dually Harassed Victim

While many men are concerned and alarmed at the extent, some are likely to be upset that known female friends, workers and relatives are ‘tarnished’. There could be intense backlash from a generally patriarchal and an increasingly conservative and vigilante society in recent times that India is. Some women may face ostracism and further harassment as a result. Indeed some women may be abused as a result of being classified as a ‘loose charactered’ person. It’s a double-whammy for the victims.

The Disbelieved Victim

Allegations of abuse/molestations, when the victim was a child are difficult to prove, if the abuse was an intra-familial and incestuous one. The Bollywood movie Monsoon Wedding quietly demonstrated over a decade ago that it is hard for families of ‘honour and izzat’ to accept this as it comes down to the word of a ‘respectable’ adult against the word of a woman who was a small child when the abuse occurred and who did not report it to anyone. Such allegations are almost impossible to prove in courts and hence going to the police many years after, unless there are multiple witnesses who are willing to come forward to validate the account of the victim, is counter-productive. The unwanted publicity is something everyone can do without. The victims can find solace in being believed by some or may need to seek refuge with psychologists and other professionals for help.

The popular and pressurised victim

Some other victims may have overcome the distress and decided that it is best to let past skeletons remain buried despite pressure from ‘Friends’ and ‘Followers’ on social media egging them on to name and shame the alleged perpetrators. Such victims could become a stooge of others who wish to be voyeuristic or adopt a ‘rescuer’ fantasy role. They may revel in the quick popularity and an opportunity to become ‘close’ to the victim; sometimes pursuing this line only for their own personal desires rather than legitimate wishes of the victim. Such victims must firmly put down such offers and exhortations since disclosing the identity may rupture many close social contacts who may be known or closely related to the alleged perpetrators.

The Permanently Damaged Victim

Those who have been badly affected by past abuse in such permanent manner that their ways of thinking, feeling and relating with others are so disturbed and damaged that they can't be at peace with themselves and their loved ones. Such individuals engage in self-harm and suicidal behaviour, drug and alcohol abuse to overcome the distress and insecurity that they feel and may also engage in promiscuous and other impulsive and irrational behavior. Such victims must seek resolution- mentally and socially most definitely – through engagement with mental health professionals, NGOs and social organisations dealing with victims of past sexual abuse.

Victims in Clear and Present Danger

If the abuse is current, from known familial or social contacts (research shows that the commonest abusers are family members, relatives and potential grooms) or workplace colleagues and strangers, and if it causes mental distress, the victims must make the abuse public in the real as opposed to just the virtual world. In the first instance the support of family, friends and community elders could be sought to bring about as amiable a solution as possible including acts of remorse, reparation and requisite social punishment of the perpetrator should he accept the allegations.

Police and courts must definitely be involved in cases of contact offences such as sexual assaults and rape. There is a significant risk of going through often a protracted and a definite public and prurient exposure of their sexual activities generally and alleged promiscuous behaviour leading to public titillation and media coverage as sex and violence sells; perhaps an indication of our baser instincts. There is the general attempt by the alleged perpetrators to shame and blame the victims into submission as was depicted in the movie Pink.

(The author is Senior Consultant, a Forensic Psychiatrist based in Singapore)