Reality Bites: Hell hath no fury as the ‘Photo’-philic Diyar Leader scorned

Nothing is too petty for the Diyar Leader. This supercalifragilistic international figure is now reduced to squabbling with lesser mortals like chief ministers for space in their publicity material. If his photographs are not featured, his heart breaks and the PMO has to cuddle him.

I first noticed this startling trend when the AAP government in Delhi accused the PMO of butting in to a tree-planting event at Asola Bhatti Wildlife Sanctuary. According to Delhi’s environment minister Gopal Rai, the banner finalised for the event had photographs of Delhi CM Kejriwal and the Lt Governor, and was to be displayed on an LED screen.

He alleged that Delhi police officials were sent by the PMO to “hijack” the stage and cover the LED screen with a banner that had a photograph of the Diyar Leader, along with the Lt Governor and the CM. Of course, the Diyar Leader’s photograph was much larger than Kejriwal’s or he’d have sobbed like a baby again!

Just as well that a miffed Kejriwal refused to attend the event after that, or Delhi police officials may have pulled his hair and dragged him off the stage like they recently did to Indian Youth Congress president Srinivas BV.

We saw this hysteria in Tamil Nadu too before the launch of the Chess Olympiad. BJP workers were ordered to beat their breasts and let out agonised yelps because photographs of the Diyar Leader were not included in billboards and banners.

Then the PMO (I assume) sent the yowling workers pictures of the Diyar Leader to stick on the billboards. Cameramen were employed to cover this megalomania-driven pasting event—perhaps to show CM Stalin who’s the real boss?

That really should have been enough, but nope. The matter went to the Madras High Court, and an order was passed: The Diyar Leader’s photographs must be included in all advertisements on the Chess Olympiad, or else.

I can’t help but think of Bobby, the sanitation worker, who was terrorised by BJP supporters for carrying discarded portraits of the Diyar Leader and the UP CM in his garbage cart. The poor chap lost his job for merely doing his job, and if sanitation workers hadn’t proposed a strike he may never have been reinstated.

Many of us wish newspapers that carried articles on Bobby take the hint and stop printing pictures of the Diyar Leader or else every Kabadiwala in the nation may be jobless! And possibly arrested too if blood red ketchup or (gasp) non-vegetarian egg yolk had smeared his mug shots.

The Diyar Leader’s photographs can be gravely injurious to the health and happiness of Indian citizens.

While Bobby has my deepest sympathy for the trauma he went through, I have to admit that I felt a wee bit elated too. The portraits he found abandoned on a street indicate that one more person in India has seen through the Diyar Leader and his party, hooray!

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Now to Parliament that is in session for about five minutes a day because the government keeps adjourning it whenever the Opposition demands a discussion on price hikes. Even godi media nincompoops are aware that the Diyar Leader has taught his partymen to never answer questions, particularly those on corruption and incompetence.

The government played for time by insisting that price rise questions would be heard only after the Finance Minister recovered from Covid, and kept suspending Opposition MPs.

Again, even godi media nincompoops suspect that a plan was hatched to disrupt Parliament on any old pretext when the FM returned in the pink of health.

This plan was activated by the Silly Soul, who screeched about a Congress MP who had made a sexist remark (the idiotic sort of remark that circulates on WhatsApp), and inexplicably blamed Congress Party President Sonia Gandhi for it.

When a puzzled Mrs Gandhi approached a BJP MP and asked why she was being attacked, Silly Soul tried to intervene and Mrs Gandhi did what sensible people do to trolls on social media—refused to engage. “Don’t talk to me,” she apparently said, and Silly Soul (who actually should be called Bully Soul) responded with the chilling “Do you know who I am?” threat. And, of course, adjournments followed.

Expect more of the same cheap drama from the Diyar Leader’s party to avoid answering questions till the monsoon session ends.

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)