Reality Bites: Come what may, just praise the Dear Leader

Evacuees from Afghanistan are India’s new Olympic winners. At least it seems that way because news channel crews are at airports—not to welcome them and enquire tenderly about their terrifying experiences—but to get them to praise the Dear Leader. Everyone secretly knows that he’s a nightmare, so the media has been instructed to force people to say that he’s a dear little lamb, and when God was dishing out hearts, he put a gooey marshmallow in the Dear Leader’s chest cavity instead, awwww.

According to a News Laundry report, when a flight with evacuees landed, it was just another “appreciation party” for the Dear Leader: “Soon as any of them stepped out of the airport, a crowd of reporters from TV news channels would surround them and, as if reading off a script, valiantly get them to assign credit for their flight to one man and him alone: Narendra Modi.”

While news channels are singing bhajans as raucously as over-the-limit pub goers, think of Rangina Kargar. This young Afghani Muslim MP arrived in India on August 20th but was deported, despite the fact that she had a diplomatic passport.

I cringed when I read what she said: “We have never seen such actions, discrimination before. This was the first time. They have divided us. They send private planes to evacuate Afghan Hindus and Sikhs but they didn’t accept me…But I want to tell India that we will return to power in Afghanistan, what will they do then?” I’m hoping that Jaishankar, our dyspeptic External Affairs Minister, will answer that question.

As we wait for Jaishankar’s standard irritable outburst, remember that the next time some brainwashed lunatic sends you a WhatsApp forward praising the Dear Leader’s compassion, tell the lunatic where he/she gets off! If you look back, you will realise that the Congress actually believed in “Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam” and readily provided refugees shelter from the storm, but the BJP merely mouths it. Forget the world—even India is not one family for these divisive horrors.

Even more depressing is the fact that the BJP is using the Taliban as an excuse to spread even more Islamophobia than they usually do in India. What I found vastly amusing is that a BJP CM (one who must not be named or else he will make cops from his state file FIRs against you) actually thinks he’s a sweetheart compared to the Taliban.

Yes, the same man who recently inspired the head of a social media company to seek refuge in the USA. The company publicly says it’s a promotion for the chap—euphemisms are par for the course because the truth only makes that CM angrier. Why, this CM even arrests people (doctors too) for complaining about the lack of oxygen in hospitals!

Meanwhile, the Dear Leader has put India on sale. Hundreds of articles have been written on the subject by a handful real thinkers, many craven employees of think tanks owned by crony capitalists, and of course ghost-written articles by RSS-BJP “thinkers” (excuse me while I laugh). Ignore all of them, and just remember this:

This is an admission of incompetence. The Dear Leader’s lousy policies have destroyed the economy. If you are still friends with weirdos who insisted that demonetisation was great, here’s your opportunity to rub their noses in it. Hard.

The Dear Leader is the most extravagant PM the nation has ever had. All those new planes, new clothes, new houses, and 24x7 PR for himself have drained our coffers. Even his humungous PM CARES piggy bank is empty, which is odd because we have received generous Covid donations from rich nations. Was that money spent on research for new vaccines or investment in pharma companies instead of all those things he fancies? When I think of MK Gandhi in his shabby loin cloth, I want to cry, “Come back! Come back!”

It’s clear that the Dear Leader’s crony capitalists play a huge role in policy making. Can’t you see them licking their lips and dreaming of making Russian Oligarchs in London bow before them?

Shut out all those “master stroke” yowls from the servile media and think about how can we get our beloved old India back. If not, we may have to apply for refugee status too.

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)