London Diary: Selective royal humour

Every cult, it is said, needs a dead man. Welcome to the cult of Duke of Edinburgh whose death at the age of 99 after a lingering illness sparked a fawning outpouring of "recollections". Anyone who even had a fleeting moment with him spoke like experts on his sense of humour, how he “lightened up” the mood, and made people feel at ease with his casual banter.

The wall-to-wall coverage saw viewers treated to stories of his "spontaneity", his "sense of duty", his "modernizing" instincts, and how he was able to "connect" with people. BBC’s breathless reporting prompted an unprecedented 110,000 complaints. As The Sunday Times columnist Camila Long wrote, “By mid-evening (of the announcement of his death) Sophie Raworth (BBC presenter) was struggling to control the waves of genuflecting guests being hectically rotated onto the set in their regulation mourning gear — I mean, were they even sad...What was the point?”

Much of the focus was on his corny sense of humour which apologists have sought to shrug off as "gaffes". The problem is that invariably he picked (mostly non-white) foreigners --for his ill-judged humour bordering on insult. "Slit-eyes" Chinese, "amateurish" Indian engineers, "spear-throwing" Africans ...

How was it that he never took liberties with white Americans or Europeans?

——

Ramzan humour

Is it “Islamophobic” to joke about food or water during Ramzan?

When I put this to a Muslim friend, he sounded puzzled. “But why should anyone want to do it?” He couldn’t see the point of such a joke unless it was intended to rile Muslims. And he was not alone in making sense of the following tweet posted by Evian, the well-known mineral water brand: “Retweet if you have already drunk a litre of water today."

It immediately prompted accusations of Islamophobia on grounds that it was a dig at practising Muslims who don't drink, or eat during Ramzan. Evian apologised but ended up prompting another row--this time inviting accusation that by apologising it had "surrendered" to American-style "woke" culture to protect its commercial interests.

Amid all this, many ordinary Muslims wondered what the fuss was all about. "I already drank my litre before the sunrise," tweeted one referring the pre-dawn meal Muslims take before starting their fast.

------

English, what English?

Deficient in English and yet want to graduate from a British university?

Well, chase away those blues. Several universities are ditching the standard requirement of proficiency in English for candidates from Asian, black and other ethnic minorities whose first language is not English. Admission tutors are being advised not to dock marks for spelling and grammar mistakes because requiring good English could be seen as “homogenous north European, white, male, elite”, according to media reports.

Critics have called it "social engineering" and dumbing down standards.

“Lowering standards of assessment lowers expectation of what students should achieve. Worse, normalisation of illiteracy flatters instead of educates students," said Professor Frank Furedi, of the University of Kent.

But universities argue that it is arrogant to "impose your own idea of ‘correct English’ on others". The new approach will emphasise “inclusive assessments” as part of an effort to narrow the attainment gap between white and minority ethnic students. It is said to be an attempt to "challenge the status quo” which overwhelmingly favours white elite while disadvantaging students who speak English as a second language.

The new move will, however, benefit only British residents. Candidates from outside Britain wanting to study here will continue to need to pass the "Secure English Language Test" (SELT) as proof of their English proficiency.

--------

Money without work

Ever been paid not to work? Apparently, it happens often in broadcasting and the film industry with people hired to do an assignment suddenly told to "stand down" because of an unexpected schedule change while being allowed to keep the fee or advance given to them.

Giles Coren of Times Radio’ recalled how the death of the Duke of Edinburgh led him to "stand down" from his scheduled broadcast to accommodate tributes to the Duke. While his bosses were extremely apologetic, and kept asking him: “Are you sure that’s okay?", he was "genuinely thrilled by the prospect of an unexpected (paid) afternoon off".

"The sun was shining, there was beer in the fridge..." he wrote.

It reminded him of British actor Bob Hoskins, who was sent a script by Steven Spielberg offering him a role. But then he heard nothing until one day he received a letter from Spielberg saying he had cast another actor and enclosing a cheque for $250,000 as an apology for wasting his time. Hoskins wrote back immediately: "Dear Mr Spielberg, no need to apologise. If there are any more films you don’t want me to be in, please let me know."

-------

And, lastly, in a new cricket format called, "The Hundred", to be introduced in England this year, the score will not mention wickets— but instead mention “out”-for example, "India 100 for 4 out” rather than "India 100 for the loss of four wickets". And the customary six- ball overs will be ditched. Instead, 10 balls will be bowled from both ends of the stadium.