Yes, I Think I’m Beautiful: Hema Malini

You tell me. People like you make it special for me. Believe it or not, I didn’t know what  a birthday  was until I was  16 years old. I don’t remember any birthday party as a child. Even that 16th birthday party was organised by my producer Ananthswamy who discovered me for Hindi cinema in Sapnon  Ka Saudagar. It was when he insisted that I have a birthday party I realised, ‘My God, birthday mein party hota  hai kya?’

My mother never celebrated my or my brother’s birthday. I don’t know why! Looking back it seems so funny. Sad, no? I think birthdays are big in North India not so big in the South.

Once you become a star everyone is eager to celebrate your birthday. There would be a cake on the sets, co-artistes singing for me. I started looking forward to my birthdays.

It doesn’t seem to be going anywhere(laughs). I must get a script that inspires me.  Direction is not an easy job. I’ve so many other responsibilities.  Dancing makes me so happy. When I enact those divine roles of Durga, Kali, Ma Laxmi on stage I feel a deep sense of peace and satisfaction. When I want the audience to see Radha’s purity in me, I’ve to believe in that purity. Something sublime happens inside me when I’m on stage. Dancing was always my main passion. I don’t need film offers to keep me busy. Now I’ve to attend Rajya Sabha as well.

I wouldn’t say everything is perfect.  One doesn’t always get what one wants in life. When one is younger one dreams of a perfect life, which doesn’t exist. I didn’t get everything that I wanted. But I never gave myself the opportunity to miss all the things that I didn’t have. I had my two daughters. The last 30 years of my life just sped by with them. Taking them to school, looking at their homework, doing their hair and managing their tantrums I relived my own childhood.  Now when they’re grown up I suddenly I look back and I feel, “Arrey, I missed out on something!”

(breaks into laughter). Maybe I expected more of my husband’s company. I thought we’ll be together more often. I never felt that absence until now. When I married I thought we’d come to an arrangement that would suit all of us. Lekin nahin hua. But it’s okay. I accept the situation. I got my daughters. He has many problems to look after. As a human being I’m bound to have regrets….But he loves me like mad. When I think of his feelings for me everything seems worth it, even his physical absence.

Am I? I’m thankful for all that I’ve. And now that I’m in the Rajya Sabha I want to do more for the country. It’s not enough to be a beautiful admired celebrity. It’s important to use that power for social good. Even my dance performances are for charitable causes.

I’ve never been a birthday person. Cutting cakes makes me very embarrassed. But what to do? Earlier during my days of hectic shooting, a cake would be carted in the middle of shooting with all my co-stars and technicians singing. Now it’s family and friends.

(peals of laughter) Radiance and beauty? Thank you. But it’s well-wishers and supporters like you and fans who have kept me going  for so long without stopping. You know, until recently I had never thought of myself as beautiful!

Ha ha, so true. I still believe there are many women far more beautiful than me in the country. But now I’ve started believing I am not so bad either. I would look at pictures of myself from 30 years and cringe. But now I can look at old pictures of mine with more confidence, and say, kuch toh baat hai, varna itne dinon tak main kaise tik payee hoon (how else did I manage to sustain myself for so long?).

(Pretends to be offended) What do you mean? Meri Hindi bahot shuddh aur spasht hai. Of course, there would be a flavour of your place of origin.  Your native tongue should and must remain a part of your expression. I am very proud of the Tamil tinge in my Hindi.

(straightway without a thought) Good clean honest living. I’ve always been a very straightforward  and blunt person. That trait has got me into a lot of trouble specially since my political career began. But I don’t regret calling a spade a spade. I’ve never believed in hiding the truth from myself or from others. Because you lie once you go on lying to cover up for that one lie. Too much stress. I never want edit, never opted for it.

Yes, I was not even aware that Ram Kamal Mukherjee was writing it. In fact, he had written a coffee table book on me fifteen years ago and surprised me with it. I had no idea he was writing that book either. When I saw it I was very pleased.  It had rare lovely pictures of me. The Foreword to that book was written by Amitabh Bachchan ji. Now after 15 years so many things have happened to my life specially politics and I am also a grand mother now. So, I think another book is a good idea.

Ram Kamal just came to me and said he has written the book about my life and would our prime minister Narendra Modi ji write a Foreword.

It was very simple. I just had to ask him. He wanted details about the book and its content. That was it. I must say it was very kind and generous of him.

Follow your dreams. Never say no to any opportunity. Think positive. And don’t bother with what your neighbour is doing. I never looked at the competition around me. For me my career, my family and my life are all that mattered.