The Lady and the Chowkidar

Maharashtra’s maha drama threw up some interesting literary characters through all its nail-biting twists and turns. We are reasonably certain that former First Lady Amruta Fadnavis was deeply influenced by the movie ‘The Sound of Music’ (based on the Von Trapp family). The singing Von Fadnavis family is what Maharashtra got, and with every performance the share price of ear plug companies grew in the state.

After the recent Assembly Elections, her husband couldn’t form a government and that was when Lady Fadnavis enthusiastically threw herself into the role of the scheming and ambitious Lady Macbeth.

It was amusing watching her egg her husband on, screaming words of encouragement on Twitter even when he cheated and got royally sworn at by the President and Governor for waking them up at the crack of dawn without time for bed tea and fibre-rich biscuits (a must considering sluggish digestive systems at their age) to be hurriedly sworn in.

All that scheming was in vain because Sharad Pawar turned out to be far better at the game. Also, I must add that Shiv Sena chief Uddhav Thackeray finally brought the party’s tiger mascot to life: he stopped mewing piteously and started roaring. The wounded tiger had finally got a chance to become king of the concrete jungle and by god he wanted it!

When the tables were turned, the scene shifted to Shivaji Park, where Uddhav Tiger Thackeray was sworn in as the new Chief Minister aka Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj. It was the role of a lifetime, and Uddhav performed splendidly.

Former Chief Minister Dev Fadnavis was there too, playing vigilant Chowkidar. He stuck to business tycoon Mukesh Ambani like discarded chewing gum. Optics to prove to all that he was still Ambani’s favourite little helper, so there!

Chowkidar Fadnavis is now leader of the Opposition in Maharashtra, but after seeing how he didn’t take his eagle eye off Ambani for even a second (lest he went ghus-phus with members of the new ruling alliance), I think he should join the Special Protection Group (SPG,) and protect Snoopendra, our paranoid Dear Leader.

Snoopendra recently pinched all the SPG members from the Gandhi family because the insecure chap needs to feel even more important (now he has 3000 men guarding him from rotten egg missiles). I’ll eat one of Snoopendra’s ridiculous hats if Chowkidar Fadnavis doesn’t prove to be the most alert of all the specially trained men!

Even though I didn’t see alleged terrorist Pragya Thakur at Thackeray’s grand ceremony, she may have been there in a steel grey outfit disguised as a Godrej cupboard, a look she can carry off effortlessly.

I’m sure Snoopendra and his sidekick insisted that she hurl curses at members of the new alliance (Maharashtra Vikas Aghadi) and finish them off—just like the wicked witch in that fairy tale classic, the Sleeping Beauty. If you recall, Pragya Thakur proudly said that it was her curse that killed Hemant Karkare (Anti-terrorism Squad chief), not Pakistani terrorists as we once naively believed.

I looked for Lady Fadnavis too, but I couldn’t spot her. She was probably gagged and tied to a tree like Cacofonix the bard, so whew.

However, please continue to be on guard. Lady Fadnavis resents being downgraded to dowdy Mrs Fadnavis (she may not be a Page 3 regular again, the poor thing!), and if we go by her tweets, she’s still plotting a comeback for her husband.

Life must be hell for him at home while she flings Lady Macbeth-like taunts at him, calling him a coward, questioning his manhood, etc. I bet she won’t give up. Come on, this is the woman who sweetly persuaded her husband to get more customers for her bank.

He lovingly misused his position as CM and sent a circular requesting Maharashtra’s police force to shift their salary accounts from nationalised banks to the private bank, where she is a VP. FYI, a petition has been filed in the Bombay High Court.

Which is why I urge the people of Maharashtra to hang on their ear plugs. The Von Fadnavis family may well be back, and farmers will be forgotten while Karaoke rules the day..