Reality Bites: Why was Amit Shah rushing in and out of hospitals and inside story of his change of heart  

What really happened to Amit Shah that made him rush in and out of hospitals over the past few months? COVID-19 was the official version, but do you really believe a single word anyone in the BJP government says? Note: If your answer is yes, I know a pretty good mental health specialist you absolutely must have a deep and meaningful chat with.

The country recuperated while Shah was out of action and our heart rates became almost normal, but suddenly he’s back giving interviews to Modi media. And I’m back to clutching my aching chest, wondering if I need an ECG or a squishy green Pudin Hara tablet.

The usual suspects in the media are going “Awww” because Shah sweetly said it was very bad that the Maharashtra governor sneered at secularism, that he was very, very unhappy at the controversy the Tanishq interfaith ad created, and other startling things. Well, startling only if you believe anything anyone in the BJP says. I repeat my earlier offer—drop me an email for details of a good mental health specialist.

If anyone in Modi media had an iota of sense, they would have asked Shah why he did not upbraid the Maharashtra governor in public, and why he didn’t stop his loyal boys from harassing Tanishq employees online and at their stores.

One word from the powerful Union Home Minister and all would have been hunky-dory, isn’t it? But no questions were asked, of course. They just gushed, not a wise thing to do in the time of COVID-19 when flying droplets spread infections.

If they really believe Shah has become a changed man and a loveable human being, they should check his hospital records. Did he really occupy an entire floor at AIIMS because he had COVID-19? Perhaps his ‘change of heart’ was because he was covering up a heart transplant— that would have given them fabulous material for heart-warming Reader’s Digest-type stories with charming headlines like this: “Amir S. is the hart-changed Amit S.”

Since Modi media enjoys writing articles on politicians who seemingly have changed, they should focus on Jyotiraditya Scindia, or rather, Maharajah Jyotiraditya Scindia as he arrogantly insists on being called these days. He truly is the politician to watch, because he’s become astonishingly comical. Ever since he joined the BJP he has been gesticulating wildly and thumping his chest far more energetically than Tarzan.

He’s also been shouting extremely loudly—someone must gently tell him that masks do not muffle voices all that much. My analysis is that he wants to be Mini Modi, so that frenetic chest thumping is part of the act. I expect a series of “monkey baths” on air soon where he will regally inform serfs about their duties towards maharajahs.

Monkey business appears to be an integral part of Hindutva politics. Take Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal who revealed that he’s a Hanuman devotee during his election campaign, a signal that he was the BJP’s little brother. NDA ally Chirag Paswan of the LJP has gone a step further by informing Modi media that he’s just like Hanuman.

Falling back on his histrionic skills as a failed Bollywood actor, he announced, “I don’t need photos of PM Modi. He is in my heart. Much like Hanuman’s devotion for Ram, if you cut open my heart you will find only Modi-ji.” I don’t know about you, but I have never heard a 37-yearold sound quite so childish.

I’m now beginning to feel sorry for BJP youth leader Tejasvi Surya. Till Paswan chipped in, Surya was acknowledged as the greatest Modi devotee ever in the Sanghiverse. I have a few suggestions that may help Surya regain his No.1 Sycophant position. Here goes:

1. Throw away all the photographs of Modi that are tucked into his wallet and under his pillow. This quality of devotion is tame and so daybefore-yesterday.

2. Get a tattoo of Modi on the chest or better still, get an open-heart surgery where the actual organ is replaced by an idol of Modi. Make sure the surgery is filmed and aired on national television as proof.

After that, no upstart will ever be able to beat this headline: “Modi is Surya’s new heart.”

(Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)