Reality Bites: When Indian Government made school children put on Xi Jinping masks  

Much as it pains me to criticise our fantabulous Supreme Leader and his venerable event manager in the External Affairs Ministry, I have to say this: they made a Himalayan blunder with China. Quite simply, they over-sold India to Eleven Jinping.

Now you tell me: If you drove through an Indian city, and the streets were lined with school children wearing masks of your mugshot and cheering, wouldn’t you think that they loved you dearly too? Who can blame Eleven Jinping for feeling as elated as a rock star on illegal substances by the welcome he got in Chennai? He got a taste of what it would feel like to be leader of this great nation of delightfully servile sheeple, and it drove him crazy with desire. This was his Pepsi ‘Yeh Dil Mange More’ moment.

This is probably all he thought about throughout his brief holiday in Mahabalipuram (October, 2019) with the Supreme Leader. It’s clear that he didn’t pay much attention to what the Supreme Leader was saying and replied to all queries on thorny issues like the border dispute in a distracted manner. When that holiday ended, our Supreme Leader was fooled into thinking that all was well. He was so pleased with himself that he jumped out of bed early and strolled through the beach picking up make believe garbage that his team had planted the night before to show the nation of delightfully servile ‘sheeple’ how he excels at being an amazing diplomat and an amazing citizen at the same time.

Eleven did a spot of research on India soon after, and a Sanskrit saying, Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam (the world is one), resonated with him deeply. This was what China had believed all along isn’t it, but with a small caveat. He rephrased it to Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam Chinum (the world is one China) and sent the memo to PLA troops on the Indo-China border.

Which is perhaps why, this time round (June 2020), the Chinese haven’t left our territory. Even worse, the “buffer” zones now appear to be in Indian territory. Sushant Singh (military veteran and deputy editor at the Indian Express), posted this disturbing tweet a few days ago: “No disengagement or change in ground positions since the last Corps Commander talks. Chinese troops not going back from Pangong, or from the areas of Gogra post and Hot Springs where they have undertaken a lot of construction.” As for the de-escalation talks, they seem to have petered out completely.

Do read what former Chief of Army Staff, General Ved Prakash Malik tweeted recently too. “1. Since 1996 PLA attempting nibbling at Indian territory (dominating heights/passes) along LAC under cover of (a) keeping LAC ambiguous (b) CBM & ‘Peace & Tranquility’ agreements/calls (c) reactive diplomacy. 2. PLA backed off whenever confronted strongly in time, pro-actively.”

Hmm. Rahul Gandhi was quite right—Surender Modi it is!

General Malik also added a spot of advice for the government on how to deal with the situation, including the urgent need to place the ITBP under “army op control” in Ladakh. Currently the ITBP reports to the Union Home Minister, who prefers to give them odd jobs like manning Covid centres in Delhi, and perhaps a spot of dusting too. How tragic it is that bullies who pose as nationalists don’t mind being bullied by foreign nations. All they want to do is topple state governments, threaten citizens into submission, and hey, you can be arrested under draconian laws even if you’re politely trying to protect the environment. The Covid pandemic is a godsend for them since it’s spreading like wildfire in jails—the more people die, the more of us they can put in.

Meanwhile, Eleven Jinping is practically on top of the world now. He’s been supremely smug since 19th June when our Supreme Leader meekly announced at the end of the all party meeting: “Na koi wahan hamari seema mein ghus aaya hai, na hi koi ghusa hua hai, na hi hamari koi post kisi dusre ke kabze mein hain (No one has intruded and nor is anyone intruding, nor has any post been captured by someone).”

Eleven has probably printed out this quote and framed it—for all we know, he even carries a copy in his wallet!

( Any resemblance to real people or events is a coincidence)