Rupa Gulab on fathers & sons and BJP’s Pandit Deen Dayal laundry service! 

Warning: Please keep a hanky ready as you read this touching tale about two Assembly elections, two devoted fathers, and two loving sons.

Long ago, in the days when little Aditya Thackeray would wear his favourite Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj costume for his birthday parties with a real sword borrowed from one of his grandpa’s party members to cut his cake with, his daddy Uddhav used to dream that one day his son would reign over all of Maharashtra with his very own shiny sword to cut the BJP to size.

For all we know, during the family’s picnics at Aarey non-forest, his daddy carved a loving legend on a tree trunk: “Uddhav loves Aditya”. This tree, sadly, probably does not exist anymore —the BJP government cut over 2000 down to make loads of money about a month ago. Evidently, they had already spent all the money they had extorted from the RBI.

This made Aditya cry because he loves trees. It didn’t help that his daddy had spent the last few years purring whenever the BJP tickled his tummy, and fainting in ecstasy when Amit Shah dangled intoxicating catnip under his nose. It was only after the recent assembly elections in Maharashtra that Uddhav finally found his voice and roared. Okay, it wasn’t an ear-splitting roar, but it was a roar nonetheless: he wants a 50:50 power-sharing arrangement with the BJP in Maharashtra, and he wants it in writing.

Which makes me wonder if Uddhav was so busy grooming his son that he didn’t have a second to spare to follow the news and figure out what the BJP is all about? See, the Indian Constitution exists in the written form, and many more copies of it are sold than soppy books on whiny losers in IIT. Have any of you spotted a member of the BJP following the laws laid out in the constitution? I certainly haven’t, and I can bet that the Dear Leader would happily confiscate every single copy of the Constitution, tear out the pages and sell them to channa-seengh vendors for their traditional paper cone containers.

In short, this ‘give it to me in writing or else’ order from dear old Uddhav will not work. He can dream on about his son reigning as chief minister for 2.5 years of this term even if the Dear Leader decorates the 50-50 partnership agreement with his thumb impression. It’s about time Uddhav used that brain his own daddy gave him and insisted that Aditya be made chief minister first, and the BJP’s Fadnavis can do the second half. That, frankly, is the only way his fantasy can come true.

And now let’s talk about a son who loves his daddy as much as Uddhav loves Aditya. Yes, I can see ‘Dushyant hearts Daddy’ carved on a tree in the Chautalas’ plush family farm. Dushyant’s Jannayak Janata Party won 10 extremely valuable seats in Haryana after campaigning vociferously against the BJP. The BJP fell short of six seats to form the government in Haryana and had to hastily buy MLAs as a Diwali present for Dear Leader. Amit Shah lovingly flew independents (some of whom were rapists/murderers/criminals) into Delhi on chartered flights. The RBI had just sold some gold, so hell, who wouldn’t want to be bought?

Meanwhile, almost everyone in India was waiting to see if Dushyant would do his anti-BJP thing (he had made spirited personal attacks on the Dear Leader during his campaign) and form the government with the INC. On condition that the INC made him chief minister of course, because sometimes 10 seats count for more than 31 seats in the warped world of politics. However, those who remembered that his daddy was in jail, knew that Dushyant would definitely find the BJP’s Pandit Deendayal Upadhyaya Laundry Service irresistible.

The usual followed: Dushyant sacrificed his burning desire to be CM, settled for that pointless deputy CM post and demanded express delivery of his daddy. And voila, his daddy is out on a two-week holiday. Soon, he will be free forever like convicted Naroda Patiya killer Maya Kodnani, and no one will squeak.

Don’t judge Dushyant too harshly, Dear Reader. If your daddy was in jail, wouldn’t you want to check out the BJP’s Pandit Deendayal Upadhyaya Laundry Service too? If there’s anyone you should judge, it’s the BJP for collecting hardened criminals the way some peop